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Parent - Parent-Child Play Therapy - Basic skills in responding to children

 

The Belief of Parent-Child Play Therapy

1. Playing games are important for children

Haim Ginott pointed out: "Games are children's speech, toys are their words." (Ginott, 1961). Children's vocabulary is limited, and when they want to express their inner world, they often do not express it in words like adults, but through games they can express life experiences, ideas, feelings, needs andwishes.

 

2. The child takes full lead of the game

When playing with children, parents should avoid adding teaching and training elements. We should let children take the lead when choosing the type of toys or the form of play. If we hope children can express various inner emotions during play, including their likes, dislikes, joys, anger, sorrows, and joys, so children can experience a moment of free and secure parent-child play time and an intimate parent-child relationship, parents need to avoid scolding or criticism, try not to ask questions and require children to achieve any game results. Children must feel that their parents understand, care, tolerate and accept them.

 

3. Understand and respond to (reflect) children's thoughts and emotions, so that children can get mental help

Sometimes, children will unconsciously express their feelings through violent behaviors. If parents can understand first and respond to their children's emotional needs and convey the message: "I hear, I understand, and I value you" to their children, when the children feel understood and accepted, it will not only relieve the children's worries, but also their mental burden. Their behavioral problems can also be improved and prevented.

 

4.The significance of setting limits

When a child shows inappropriate or violent behavior that directly affects safety during playtime, setting limits on a child's behavior is necessary. It is important to remember that the purpose of setting limits is to protect the child, parent, or object. It also helps parents maintain acceptance of their children and enhance their children's sense of security. Whenever parents set limits, they need to think in advance: "Is this restriction necessary?", "Can I continue to enforce this limit?", "If I do not set limits on this behavior, can I continue to allow this behavior and acceptance of children?"

 

Practical skills sharing:

1. Reflect children's feelings and thoughts

Situation 1:	Children want to takes care of the baby, feeds the baby milk and carefully puts the baby in the stroller.
Response:	General response: "You love the baby so much, why don't you give him a kiss."
	Appropriate response: "You take care of the baby, know that he is hungry and feed him. You slowly put the baby down, wanting him to be safe."

 

Situation 2	Children pretend to call his parents using a toy phone: "Mommy, where are you? I miss you so much."
Response:	General response: "Mommy is so busy. I'll talk to you when I get back from work."
	Appropriate response: “I know you miss me and want to talk with me….”

 

Situation 3:	Children press down the roly-poly toys, hit it hard, and said angrily: "You always want me to study, I hate you!", and then pointed to his parents by toy gun : "I'm going to kill you!"
Response:	General response: "Don't fight anymore, it's too violent!", "Put down the toy gun, don't play with it anymore!"
	Appropriate responses: "You hate him so much that you hit him so hard...", "You are so angry that you want to shoot me..."

 

2. Affirm children's abilities

Situation 1:	Children are playing with dough, rolling into a long strip.
Response:	General response: "Are you making a sausage?"
	Appropriate responses: "You rolled the dough into a long strip.", "You want to roll it up."

Tips:

When the child has not named the work, the parent estimates or identifies the work as something (such as a sausage). First, the child's creation will be interrupted. Second, if the work is not what the parent estimated, the child will feel that he has done something wrong or it doesn't look good, which affects their self-confidence. Some children are more likely to hide their own ideas and conform to their parents' ideas. "

 

Situation 2:	When the child finished the work, he said to his parents with a smile: "It is a snail! Isn't it pretty?"
Response:	General response: "They are not similar, seems more like candies."
	Appropriate response: "You made a snail, and you are very satisfied with your work. It doesn't matter whether Mommy thinks it is pretty or not, your feeling is the most important."

Tips:

Parents should avoid judging their children and denying their creativity; instead, they should encourage their children to appreciate and affirm their own efforts. "

 

Situation 3:	Children invite his parents to have a toy gunfight with him. He chooses a big gun himself, but gives his parents a small gun for the fight.
Response:	General response: "Wow, your equipment is so powerful, I'm really losing this..."
	Appropriate response: "You have powerful equipment, so powerful!"

Tips:

Parents usually have higher abilities than their children and will have an advantage in competitions. If children often lose in games, they will easily feel frustrated. Parents should hide their strengths to give their children the opportunity to express themselves more, which will help them build self-confidence. Parents may feel that their children should not cheat to make it easier for them to win, but parents should remember to provide quality game time especially to children with low self-confidence. Parents should also be role models for their children, take winning and losing lightly, and enjoy the process of playing with their children.

 

3. Set limits

Situation 1:	Children hit parent hard with the boxing toy and said: "I'm so angry!"
Response:	General response: "What are you doing? You shouldn't find me to vent your anger. It's none of my business. It's useless even if you hit me..."
	Appropriate response: "I know you are so angry that you want to hit it (boxing toy), but if you hit it over, it will hurt me. If you want to hit it, you can hit it to the other side (pointing out the direction). "  When children cooperate in another direction, parents should respond: "Thank you for your cooperation!"

 

Situation 2:	Children climb onto the table and want to jump off on ground.
Response:	General response: "What are you doing on the table? Come down immediately."
	Appropriate response: "You want to jump off on floor, but you will be easily injured. You can sit down slowly and come down." (Parents can use body language to reach out their children, and gently signal children return to ground from table.)  When children behave cooperatively and return to the ground from the table, parents should respond: "Thank you for your cooperation!", "Thank you!"

Tips:

When children express negative emotions and do something that hurts you or himself, or even show destructive behavior, if a parent only uses blaming words or authority to stop the child's negative behavior, they will feel that the parent does not understand his feelings. and continue their negative behavior as a way to vent. Parents can use the "setting limits" skill at this time, they should first respond to the child's feelings, then state the limits, and give the child feasible choices, so that the child can feel that parent understands his feelings. Once your thoughts or emotions are relieved, children will be willing to cooperate in your behavior and stop negative behaviors. At this time, parents should give their child affirmation on his positive behavior and willingness to cooperate with you."

 

If you want to learn more about parent-child games or positive discipline techniques, you can participate in parent activities under the "Child Protection in Action" Project in the future.